We’ve stopped being intimate. Is this a sign of a broken marriage?

Yes, the absence of intimacy in a marriage can be a strong sign that the relationship is in trouble—but it is not always a definitive sign of a broken marriage. It is, however, a serious red flag that must not be ignored. Intimacy is one of the core components of a healthy marital relationship, and its absence often points to deeper emotional, psychological, or interpersonal issues that may need immediate attention.

What Is Intimacy in a Marriage?

Intimacy is not just about physical closeness or sexual activity—it also involves:

Emotional connection
Trust and vulnerability
Affectionate touch
Meaningful conversations
Mutual respect and attention

So when we say “we’ve stopped being intimate,” it may mean more than just a lack of sex. It can mean you’ve stopped:

Sharing your feelings
Holding hands or hugging
Complimenting each other
Spending quality time together

The breakdown of this connection can lead to emotional distance and eventual estrangement if not addressed.

What Causes the Loss of Intimacy in a Marriage?

There are several reasons why intimacy may decline in a relationship. These may be:

1. Emotional Disconnect

Prolonged arguments, bitterness, or resentment can create emotional distance.
Lack of appreciation or affection makes a partner feel unloved and withdrawn.

2. Stress and Mental Health

Work pressure, financial stress, parenting challenges, or depression can reduce sexual desire and emotional availability.
Anxiety and unresolved trauma also dampen emotional closeness.

3. Physical or Medical Reasons

Hormonal changes, erectile dysfunction, menopause, fatigue, or illness may affect physical intimacy.
Side effects of medications like antidepressants or blood pressure medicines may reduce libido.

4. Unresolved Conflicts

Lingering issues like infidelity, betrayal, or disrespect may block a person’s emotional or sexual openness.
One or both partners may be punishing each other through emotional or physical withdrawal.

5. Communication Gap

Over time, couples who don’t talk about their needs, frustrations, or desires start growing apart.
They become more like roommates than romantic partners.

Is Lack of Intimacy Always a Sign of a Broken Marriage?

Not necessarily. Many couples go through phases where intimacy fades temporarily, especially during:

Postpartum recovery
Major life transitions (e.g., shifting cities, career change)
Health issues or surgeries
Family-related stress

In such cases, the lack of intimacy is more a symptom of external pressures than a fundamental breakdown. With open communication, counselling, and effort, such couples often find their way back to each other.

However, if the absence of intimacy has persisted for months or years and is accompanied by:

Constant arguments
Lack of emotional support
No efforts to improve the relationship
Avoidance of touch, eye contact, or time together
Indifference to each other’s pain or joy

Then, it is more than just a rough patch—it could be a sign that the marriage is emotionally broken or heading toward emotional divorce.

Legal Perspective on Non-Intimacy in Marriage (Under Indian Law)

In Indian matrimonial law, lack of intimacy or denial of conjugal rights is recognized as a ground for legal separation or divorce in certain cases.

Under the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955:

Section 13(1)(ia): Cruelty includes mental cruelty, which can include willful denial of conjugal relationship.
Section 9: If one spouse withdraws from the society of the other without reasonable cause, the aggrieved party may file for Restitution of Conjugal Rights (RCR).

Under Muslim Law:

A wife may seek divorce under the Dissolution of Muslim Marriages Act, 1939, if the husband has neglected or failed to perform marital obligations, including physical intimacy.

Under Christian Law:

Under Section 10 of the Indian Divorce Act, 1869, cruelty and denial of marital obligations can also be grounds for divorce.

Thus, under Indian matrimonial law, long-term absence of intimacy can form the basis for legal separation or divorce if proven to be deliberate, unjustified, and mentally or physically cruel.

Can a Marriage Survive Without Intimacy?

Technically yes, but emotionally and psychologically, it is very difficult. A marriage without any form of intimacy becomes a transactional or practical arrangement, lacking love, affection, and emotional fulfillment.

Such marriages may survive:

Due to children
Financial dependence
Societal pressure
Religious or cultural reasons

But these are not healthy or satisfying relationships. Over time, emotional neglect and lack of touch lead to loneliness, frustration, and low self-esteem.

What Can Be Done to Revive Intimacy?

If both partners are still emotionally invested in the relationship, intimacy can be rebuilt with effort and the right approach:

Steps to Rebuild Intimacy:

Talk Openly – Address the issue without blame. Share how you feel.
Seek Counselling – A marriage therapist can guide you through the emotional barriers.
Reintroduce Affection Slowly – Start with small gestures like hugging, hand-holding, or cuddling.
Schedule Quality Time – Plan weekly dates or time without gadgets/kids to connect.
Reignite Sexual Connection – Physical intimacy may come back when emotional intimacy is restored.
Work on Self-Improvement – Improving your own mental and physical health boosts confidence and attraction.
Forgive Past Hurts – Letting go of grudges is essential to start afresh.

When to Consider Separation or Divorce

If one partner:

Refuses to acknowledge the problem
Is emotionally shut down with no desire to improve
Has moved on emotionally or physically
Continues neglect, abuse, or indifference

Then it may be time to evaluate the practical and emotional feasibility of continuing the marriage. Emotional and physical abandonment are serious issues and may justify legal separation.

FAQs: Lack of Intimacy in Marriage

Q1. How long is too long without intimacy in marriage?

If intimacy is absent for more than 6 to 12 months, despite efforts to resolve the issue, it is cause for serious concern and professional help should be sought.

Q2. Can lack of intimacy be a ground for divorce in India?

Yes. Under Indian law, denial of conjugal rights or persistent lack of physical and emotional intimacy can be considered cruelty, which is a valid ground for divorce.

Q3. Can counselling help restore intimacy?

Absolutely. Marriage counselling is often successful in helping couples rebuild lost emotional and physical intimacy if both partners are committed.

Q4. Does intimacy always mean sex?

No. Intimacy includes emotional closeness, affectionate touch, deep conversations, and being emotionally available—not just sexual activity.

Conclusion

Lack of intimacy is a serious sign of marital trouble, and while it doesn’t always mean the marriage is broken, it should not be ignored. It signals that emotional, physical, or psychological disconnection has taken root and must be addressed. With effort, communication, and possibly therapy, many couples can revive their connection. But if intimacy is gone and no effort is being made to bring it back, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship and consider whether separation or divorce is a more emotionally healthy path forward.

Disclaimer: This information is intended for general guidance only and does not constitute legal advice. Please consult with a qualified lawyer for personalized advice specific to your situation.

Advocate J.S. Rohilla (Civil & Criminal Lawyer in Indore)

Contact: 88271 22304